Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
