I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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