I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
