Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
