I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
