This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
