Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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