So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
