Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
