forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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