he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
