yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
