Please, let me fuck your mom
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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