you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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