You really coming over, don't trick.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ttyl tear gas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
