Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
