dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
