This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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