i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
