eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
