I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize