I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
