You work out of a Hotel?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
