I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
