I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
