Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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