If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
