the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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