Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
