Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
