Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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