did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
