His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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