So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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