what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
