so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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