i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
