I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
