mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
