Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
