You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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