fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
