what day is it and did you see me today?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
