you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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