I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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