he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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