FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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