I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
