toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My vagina just recognized that song.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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