Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
