Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
