Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
