hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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