That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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