So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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