She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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