You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
