My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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