Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
