booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
