that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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