I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
