matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
