Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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