I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
