I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
