I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
