you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
