Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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