It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I looked at my own cervix.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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