is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
