ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
