so that wasnt chicken after all
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize