So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
