You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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