Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
