You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
