He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
