I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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