Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
