Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
