She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
