i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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