I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
