somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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