He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
